it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
