Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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