just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
