I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
