I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
