im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
