is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
