you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
