So drunk its hurt
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
