She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
