Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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