It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
