is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
