Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
50% drunk capacity currently
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
