I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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