i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
