well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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