is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
