it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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