I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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