i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
