I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
