Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
