it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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