i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
