You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
