I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need moral support for this bender
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
