dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
