Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
