i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
