Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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