At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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