real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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