His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
