sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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