he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
