i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
