We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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