two words: eviction party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When are your genitals available?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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