puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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