oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
