Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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