as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
