Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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