I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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