After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
