just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
