careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
