kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
