i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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