community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im holly from the hills drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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