I should be sponsored by Trojan
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
