I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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