Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
