I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
