I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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