I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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