Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
