I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
